


Kiss me Goodbye

by orphan_account



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-05-18 21:03:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14860250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Carl is on his way out.He takes advantage.





	Kiss me Goodbye

 

 

 

 

It's not like there's a moment in Carl's childhood that he can look back on and think, ' _you know it was then that I fell in love with my Dad'_.

If only it were something even half as understandable. Instead it's a collection of moments and a never ending merry go round of us-them us-them _us_.

It was a delicate balance, for it to continue to be just them. Somewhere, Carl knew that. It was hard to believe it though when the evidence before him always showed it contrary.

They were to be separated now, given Carl's actions. His imminent death.

It was maybe selfish of him, but he was glad he got to go first.

 

 

 

Dad was an affectionate term. _Rick_ , though, was taboo. Carl knew it.

It was definitely selfish of him, but Carl did it anyway.

 _I love you Rick_ he wrote at the bottom of the letter. And Rick would probably always wonder at it. Turn it unhappily in his hands years from now.

Carl hadn't given him any reasons to be disquieted. Not really.

But there was a certain shared intimacy that came with being so close.

Maybe Rick didn't know, but he didn't not know either.

 

 

 

Carl wasn't meaning for it to happen. But, it was within reach was the thing. It would be jarring, abrupt, upsetting. It was minor though, compared to what Carl had already done.

He'd gone out and gotten himself killed.

A little kiss, Rick would forgive.

It was just them in the tunnel then.

Carl sweating through his shirt, fondly recalling how sweaty and overheated and flushed Rick got out under the sun.

Rick was there, leaning forward over him. Crying, hugging. Until Carl almost couldn't stand to see it.

"Carl." Rick whimpered out, broken - and Carl had done that - hands coming up to frame Carl's face.

The sight of it wasn't something Carl could bare. Immediately, he wanted to put a stop to it.

So Carl reached forward and tugged Rick closer by his shirt.

Kissed him straight on the mouth.

 

 

 

It was foolish to believe that would magically fix things.

That shocking Rick out of his impending grief would be permanent.

It didn't even really work for a moment.

Instead, when Carl pulled back, Rick's mouth was pinned unhappily down. Rick's hands grasped tighter, then loosened before grasping even harder. His eyes were red rimmed.

Carl couldn't say why, but he kissed him again. His own chapped lips pushing against plush - a new sensation when Rick's lips parted minutely to let out a shaky exhale.

Rick let him.

And that had to be - because Carl was on his way out.

Carl pulled back, although he didn't want to.

There were some words yet, to be had.

"I'm sorry I can't stay. I'm sorry I made it so we're going in opposite directions." It was the most positive way Carl could frame it, the most truthful in the grand scheme of things.

Rick clung to him, seeming to collapse his full weight into his knees and using his grip on Carl to keep him from falling over.

"I regret...not seeing you everyday anymore."

 _I'll find you_ \- Carl wanted to say too. He shared the sentiment but he was worried it might only be more upsetting to his Dad.

Rick's grip was so tight, that had he extra blood to spare Carl would have worried about bruising.

He murmured something, so quiet Carl missed it - gaze intense. And Carl had seen Rick with that look before. Carl didn't want that for him - to devolve into imaginary conversations and a frantic sort of denial.

"What?" Carl asked softly, cognizant of spooking Rick.

"Stay." Rick said, the word tattered and pained.

"I want to." At that Carl reached up and brushed a stray strand out of Rick's face, which in turn disquieted Rick to a significant degree. "But I won't."

He didn't want to admit _I can't_.

Rick's carefully attentive expression broke at that, until he was inhaling a sob and reeling back.

Carl missed the hands on him immediately.

When Carl reached for him he made a noise like a startled animal. He resisted only minutely before throwing his arms around Carl and encompassing him in a tight hug.

" _Please_." He said.

He wasn't thinking straight. Would regret this part. Carl didn't want him to regret it.

" _Shh_ " Carl quieted, rocking them very limitedly. The role reversal was not something he'd been expecting.

"I need you to do something for me Dad."

Rick shook, still clasping him tightly, head buried in Carl's chest. He didn't answer.

"I need you to accept that I'm leaving, that it's my decision. I need you not to blame yourself. I need you to live. To build the future you wanted for me, for Judy. I need you to remember that I -" and if he said it there was no going back, "I'll find you."

A promise between lovers, echoed by Carl to his father. Carl wondered if Rick would think back on it, ascribe it meaning.

A thousand rejections, Carl had no doubt, would be stifled by his upcoming demise. 

And he'd feel bad about betraying Michonne but sometimes he felt she knew, that she knew him better than anyone. 

 

 

Later, when he's fading, after he's said _I love you_ and _I love you_ and _I love you_ a thousand times to Rick, part apology. After he's said his goodbyes to the others, words stand starkly in his mind. He looks at Rick as he says them, small smile.

"And Death shall have no dominion."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
